She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
