Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize