Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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