oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
