The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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