I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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