I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
