you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
