Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
