if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
