He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
