I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize