i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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