Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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