It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
