so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize