road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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