getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
