hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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