I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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