I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
