dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
