Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
