I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize