People with herpes should wear stickers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
