wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
