Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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