We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize