HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
