I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
