The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My room smells like vodka and shame
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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