He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize