Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
