Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
