I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
