he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
