i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
