now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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