the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just pee around me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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