One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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