There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
