he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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