Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
