i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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