margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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