But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
