well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize