I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
