A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
