If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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