So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
