I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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