three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were trust falling into bushes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
