Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
