Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
