so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
