this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
