Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
