I wish my penis had an off switch
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
