I must be too annoying 4 u.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
