Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
