how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
