ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize