when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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