Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
