One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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