Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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