Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
