cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
